tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
