i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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