If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just made my gag reflex go away.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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