im six kinds of drunk right now
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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