The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
