I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize