Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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