I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
