The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
