i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
