i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize