You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
