Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
