He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
