I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
