Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
