oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
