Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
