The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize