I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
