the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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