theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
