just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
