Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
