So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
