New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
