New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
