There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
