Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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