Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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