I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
