you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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