I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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