I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize