where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize