watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
