All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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