Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
