We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
