As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Who died my cat blue again?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
