the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
