Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she looked like the before picture.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
