I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize