i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dignity is for republicans.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
