i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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