Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
