Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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