we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
