I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
