im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
