u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just want to make out with him forever
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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