I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
