Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
