Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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