I think I am morally bankrupt
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
