Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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