walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I currently don't understand fingers.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
