i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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