i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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