The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
