shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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