I cut my penus on the lid.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I need a beard to bite.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
