Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
