Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
