You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
