Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The adults are the big ones right?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
