I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
