More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize