I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
