the condom got lost in my hair
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We are all done wearing pants today
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He's on the porch naked. Help.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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