I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
