i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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