she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize