she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
