Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
