Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
