i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
