Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
