Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
