he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
