I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
