Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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