Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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