I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
