I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
