There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
