Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
